My little Jujube.

I hate jujubes. A lot. They are high on my least favorite candies list, and that list is not big.

But there is a little person whom I love with all my heart that I call jujube. She is an adorable, curly strawberry blond with chubby cheeks and a little round belly that she can push out to a surprising bulge, little girl. She runs along with her bouncy little steps singing all day. She calls her big sister ' My Eeta' and copies everything she does. If you ask her what she had for supper last night she will tell you 'Bahzann-ya' Lasagna? 'yep Bahzann-ya'. OK try this, La zahn ya. good Lasagna! "Bahzann-ya!! I did it!" She crows!! Matt and I talked about it with her for at least ten minuted last night because she says it SO cute!! She loves her books, and songs if I only sing the first part of "You are My Sunshine" she says, 'Sing, De odder night dear while I was seeping pees Mom!'

Oh She is my baby, and I love her and I think about what will happen when we have another baby. I hope she stays my special girl! Maybe its just the age but I get along with Juju better than Nita. Maybe its because she is the second daughter and I am too. Either way she is my sunshine and I love her!!

Happy Thought: It is supposed to stop raining this weekend! And I was thinking about babies yesterday and I felt happy and positive about it, instead of dread and longing.

A new home?

So it looks like we are moving out to Fort Macleod!! There are about six places to rent there and two we had found last week are taken. (Eeek!) So I really hope we find something good soon. We have lived in this house for three years! Which (I think) is the longest we have been anywhere. Julia was born while we lived here, Matt graduated from university. I know three years isn't much in the long run but it is a large chunk of our life as a family. Thinking of the changes that have occurred while we live here, I don't know if I have changed much. I hope I have. I hope I have become a better person, learned things and grown , been a better mother, wife and woman. I don't think I am very good at seeing good things about myself. It is easy to see things I need to change, but I have trouble when it comes time to make a change.

So as our life changes, as we move on to a new job and a new home I hope I can change too, grow and learn, become better. I desperately want to be better, a better mother, a better wife, a better cook , housekeeper, more creative, more spiritual, it goes on and on, but where do I start? What should I do first? How do I know what I want to become is what I should become?

At Time Out for Women a few weeks ago the theme was 'Choose to Become'. I think that I need to better define who I want to become, I know perfect would be great but I think I need to be more specific, maybe then some clarity will come. I will see what I need to work on first, what path to take.

Happy Thought: I know I am a Child of God, and I know my potential. ( i just need to figure out how to get there) And I am thankful for my Mom who has taught me my worth!!

Little Girls

With all that has been going on in the last month ( miscarriage that dragged on and on), I have not been doing the best at giving the girls the attention they need. So I am resolving to do better, now that I have more energy and and feeling mostly myself again, I am going to direct more energy into doing things with them. Anita and I are watching the Little Mermaid together and it made me think about being little and how into things you could get, as a child everything so real and easy ti become immersed in.

I need to be immersed in their little worlds, I need to get down on the floor and play instead of being off in my busy grownup world.

I love my kids so much and I want to keep them little as long as possible, so more kid time, more play more interaction!!

Happy Thought: Matt is getting interviewed this week for a position in Picture Butte. Maybe the wait to get posted is almost over!!!

Snow drifts and Gingerbread

Our house faces the coulies ( for those if you who don't know that meant river valley) and is completely unprotected from the wind. Which, happily, means that our sidewalks are constantly being filled with drifts of snow. And for some reason when snow is blown horizontally it becomes hard as opposed to the fluffy quality it has when falling vertically. So we shovel and shovel and are threatened to not have our mail delivered unless the sidewalks are 'safe'. The neighbor kids are always asking for a dollar for shoveling out sidewalks. They rarely finish because we have a lot of sidewalks (we live on a corner).

So the other day while out shoveling two of the boys came over offering to help. The are very polite and helpful, so we have fun shoveling and talking. Then up comes the subject of payment. They would really like a dollar, each. I tell them I don't have a dollar but if it is ok with their Dad they can have a gingerbread cookie. This is fine with them, so I go inside and a few minutes later they come knocking on my door to collect. Matt gave them a whole stack. So now I am the cookie lady and am handing out cookies to all the kids that live in my row of houses. Plus 'one for my sister/dad/dad's girlfriend' but they LOVE the cookies so I don't mind. All of these kids have single parents and not a lot of money. I think I'll make a new batch this week just so I have enough! And as requested ice the cookies too.

Happy thought: It is December= almost Christmas, the Wedding, Julia's birthday and my birthday I will be 25 eeek!

Grandma

My Grandma passed away this summer. As I sort through the items I have received from my mom that belonged to Grandma, each one smelling of her home, I am glad that I have these material things to remember her by. A prettily embroidered tea towel that I don't recall seeing before suddenly makes me cry. Oh Grandma, I miss you.

I'm so thankful for the gospel. I know that I will see her again. I know I can pray and receive comfort. What a blessing. Its difficult when family members start getting older and their bodies start to fail. It makes me want to live a healthier life to make sure that I can live as long and as healthy as possible for my children, grandchildren and the rest of my family.

I am grateful to live in a country where we can live in comfort and plenty. We have doctors readily availably to us, who cares if we have to wait and hour or two to see them, some people in the world have never seen a doctor. We take so much for granted and I feel that we need to remember out blessings more often.

I love that I have a home and a safe place to raise my children and have so much. Too much really! I am so grateful for the generosity of others, for the blessing of being able to stay home with my family. To be able to teach them and love them.

I hope I can be like my Grandma, that I can lead a life like her. Everyone loved her. Its not the love of other I'm looking for, I want to be the type of person she was, she served in her community and church she created beautiful things, she got a university degree in her 60's or 70's. She traveled, she was truly a woman to be emulated.

I love most of all that I have a daily reminder of her, my own sweet little Anita. I hope she can be like her Great Grandma Anita. I hope that I can too.